... Logan ...
Part o6
It was a long ride to the next town. Logan sat on the passenger side of the truck, eyes closed, and head resting against the back of the seat. Micah didn't try to talk to him, he just drove and waited.
Eventually, Logan stirred. His eyelids fluttered open and he cleared his throat. It was a million years since he had made a sound and a million more since he had swallowed. A fleeting look of disorientation rippled across his face and then he remembered. He rubbed his balled up fists into his eyes and then scratched his shoulder. "Sorry Man... I didn't mean to fall asleep. " His voice was dark, gravelly.
Micah grinned at him. "S'ok, I got to skip all the songs I didn't want to listen to!" The grin faded a little and he glanced at Logan out of the corner of his eye. "You ok Logan? "
"Yeah. " Logan felt a flush of embarrassment warm his cheeks. He looked back out the window, watching the shoulder speed by. "Yeah, " he said more confidently, "I'm sorry you had to see that. I've just had a lot of....shit happen lately. " His voice caught in his throat a little on the last few words.
"Sa'll good. " Micah smiled.
They drove in silence, lost in their thoughts. Logan had felt calm for a while, well, his stomach was calm while his thoughts were tumbling over each other in his head. It was like standing in front of his father all over again, hearing all those bizarre words. It was too much. Far too much.
Logan whipped his head toward Micah - "You what? " His voice was raised far louder than he suspected... it surprised him.
"Jesus! " Micah jumped. "You scared me! I thought you were asleep. " He shook his head and smiled "and I didn't say a word. "
"You sure? "
"Yup - unless I was singing along to something. "
"Mmm. " Logan looked back out the windows. "Listen Micah, I'm really pretty wiped. Would you mind stopping at the next motel? "
"Sure man, no problem. "
It was about 40 minutes before a motel appeared on the blurry horizon. No cactus on the sign. Logan decided that was a good omen. Micah pulled the truck into the parking lot, shut off the engine and handed the keys to Logan. "You staying here tonight? "
Logan brushed his hair off his face, "yeah, I'm not in the best frame of mind for more driving. "
"K', Micah said, hopping out of the cab. "I'll probably crash here too. Good a place as any. "
Logan watched him walk toward the motel office. He wasn't sure which was worse, the exhaustion aching in his body or the emptiness centered somewhere, heavily, in the pit of his stomach.
Micah popped back out of the office door minutes later, smiling, with a rambunctious black lab puppy attacking his heels. The two of them scuffled in the dirt, Micah laughed, and the puppy yipped happily. Logan managed a slight smile as he opened the truck door and got out. Micah dashed up to the truck and skidded to a halt whipping around to swing the puppy up into his arms. "Logan, I'd like to introduce you to the resident pup, Tex! " He wrestled with the puppy as it covered his face with tiny licks. "Tex... " he protested and rubbed his mouth... "This is Logan. "
The puppy wiggled out of Micah's arms, jumped down and ran off in leaps and hops after a grasshopper.
"Gross, " Micah sputtered, wiping his mouth on the shoulder of his shirt.
Logan smiled and handed Micah his duffle bag. "Did you get rooms? "
Micah nodded throwing the duffle bag over his shoulder. He pulled two sets of keys out of his pocket and tossed one set to Logan.
Snagging the keys out of the air, Logan locked the truck. The plastic of the fob jangled quietly against the key in this hand - number twelve - he was moving up in the world. "Thanks, " he shook the key in his hand, "I gotta get some rest - maybe I'll see you in the restaurant later. "
Micah smiled brightly, "for sure, take care of yourself. "Drink lots of water or something. " He walked off humming.
Logan opened the door to his room and walked in slowly. He dropped the backpack on the floor as the door clicked shut quietly behind him. He still felt pretty drained and tried to reassure himself that it was a perfectly natural response to everything he had been through. He's never reacted like this to anything before but his whole life hadn't been ripped out from under him before.
He sat down on the edge of one of the double beds and pulled his boots off, groaning. "Get a Grip, " he muttered to himself. Grabbing the hem of his t-shirt he pulled it up over his head and tossed it on the floor. Pulling back the sheets he slid under the cool cover still in his jeans and shivered slightly. He buried his face in the pillow and let out a howl of frustration. He felt so stuck. What the hell was he supposed to do? Such simple instructions get as far away as he could, stay hidden. But how do you hide from something when you have no clue what it is? And Kai? A brother named Kai whom he had never met. He turned his head and stared at the ceiling. How do you find someone you've never met, never even seen? Logan had no idea where to even start. He'd never looked for anyone, never even thought about it and now his Dad was suggesting - HAD suggested that he become a detective and figure out this whole tangled mess. It wasn't fair. Logan knew he'd never find Kai - whoever he really was.
Logan sat bolt upright in bed, looking around, expecting there to be someone standing at the foot of the bed. There was no one there. He rubbed his eyes and flopped back down on the mattress. Great. He was hearing things now.
He closed his eyes and burrowed down under the covers. No position would bring him comfort from the aches and pains in his body. Eventually, he fell into a restless sleep interrupted by quiet cries and groans.
Logan woke to bricks pounding on his head. Sitting up sleepily he looked around for the bricks and realized it was someone knocking on the motel room door.
He groaned and threw back the cover, yawned, and checked his watch. He'd been asleep for over 4 hours. He stumbled toward the door and it wasn't until he had his hand on the door knob that it occurred to him that he should be cautious.
"Hello? " He called towards the door.
"Logan? " came a muffled reply, "s'Micah. "
Logan let out the breath he didn't even know he was holding and unlocked the door. "Hey Micah. " He pushed the door wide open and went back into find his shirt. He picked the shirt up off the floor and pulled it down over his head. When he turned around Micah was already in the room squatting in front of the small fridge putting some beer bottles in it.
"I figured you would have slept Logan, " he stood up and tossed Logan a bag, "gotcha a sub and beer! " He checked his watch, "the late night breakfast of champions. "
Logan smiled and rustled his way into the bag realizing his stomach was growling. "Thanks, " he mumbled over a mouthful of sub, "What do I owe you? "
"Don't worry about it. " Micah popped the top off a beer bottle and handed it to Logan.
Logan nodded toward the other bed gesturing to Micah to sit down. He took another bite of the sub and wiped sauce off his face. "This is really good, thanks; I didn't realize how hungry I was. " Putting the sandwich down long enough to take a long draw on the beer bottle he relaxed a little more. "What.A.Shitty.Day, " he said, taking another swig.
Laughter burst out of Micah's lips as he was trying to get a mouthful of beer and he ended up with it all over his face.
Logan laughed, his first real laugh in days, "Well, it was pretty shitty, " he said taking another swig.
"I usually make a better impression on people, " Micah said wiping his face with the bottom of his t-shirt. "That was messy. "
Logan took a few more bites of his sub and wrapped it back up, slid up the bed and leaned back against the headboard. "So, where are you from Micah? "
Micah kicked off his hikers and pulled one leg up onto the bed. "Well, a little bit of everywhere. I was born in Seattle but we've moved all over. My Dad liked to change jobs. " He took a drink from the beer bottle and started to peel the paper label off. "What about you? "
Logan chewed on his bottom lip, "I'm thinking of just travelling around for a while -you know. Just drift and see what happens. " He bit down hard on his bottom lip, took a deep breath and looked down, "I guess I just got to figure out what I want to do. "
"Dude! " Micah smiled, "That sounds pretty heavy. You'd better drink your beer faster. "
"That's probably a good idea. " Logan drank down the rest of the bottle and sighed contentedly. "I definitely need more beer in my life. " He got up and grabbed another two bottles out of the fridge handing one to Micah before kicking the door shut with his foot. "So - tell me, " he said as he flopped back down on the bed, "you got a big family? "
Licking the beer off his lips, Micah looked up. "I got a sister, Laynie; she's 17 going on 30, quite a character although I'd never tell her that. One brother a couple years younger than me, Jake. He's an OK guy. Got a few problems you know? " He exhaled forcefully and took another mouthful of beer. "He's got a juvenile record, shoplifting of all the stupid shit. " He scratched his nose and glanced up at Logan. "Got a girl pregnant in his last year of high school too and they've done nothing but fight ever since. "
Logan nodded and drank.
"The kid's cool - but you know, " Micah continued, "it's that whole custody thing. It makes people crazy. They do stupid shit. " He shrugged. "What about you? "
"Me? " Logan's eyes blinked rapidly. "Uh, yeah... no I mean, " he took a long pull on the beer. "Do you happen to smoke? "
Micah nodded, "HA! Only when I drink man. " He pulled a cigarette package out of his pocket, tore off the plastic and offered one to Logan. "Might as well hit all the vices on one night. "
"Hopefully we won't manage them all in one night. " Logan chuckled.
Micah's lighter flared at the tip of Logan's cigarette. He took a long drag on it enjoying the dizziness he felt. "Oh... head rush. " He pulled the ashtray on the bedside table closer to them and tapped the ash off the end of his smoke. "My family, " he looked over at Micah who still fiddled with his lighter, "my Dad just, uh, died. " Logan felt the tears building up in his eyes and tried to blink them away. "Just a little while ago, still pretty fresh ya know? "
Micah nodded and looked away discreetly. He kicked his feet up on the bed, lay down on his side and propped his head up on his fist. "My Dad died a few years ago, " he offered, "cancer. " He tapped the beer bottle on his bottom lip. "Awful disease. "
Logan nodded "yeah, " he raised his eyebrows and looked over at Micah "I mean, I don't know, never had it in my family but, yeah, I bet it's awful. "
"It's crazy, " Micah continued, "watching someone you know fade away. " He cleared his throat and carried on. "I remember sitting with my Dad one evening. We took turns watching over him and I was just listening to him breathe, in and out and then this shampoo commercial on TV - and he said 'that's not her real hair.' That's all he said all night. " He shook his head and drank some beer. "Isn't that crazy? "
Logan nodded. "My Dad was kind of sudden, " he blurted out. "Didn't expect it at all. " His breath shuddered a little and he took another dragon the cigarette watching the end flare like a little fire. He relaxed a little. He'd said the words out loud and managed to live through it.
Micah sat up and put his cigarette out. "I'm sorry man - I didn't know. " He got up and wandered over to the fridge for a couple more beers. "Keep drinking, " he said handing another one to Logan. "It makes everything a bit better eventually. " He gave Logan a crooked grin and flopped back down on the bed.
Logan was feeling a buzz from the beer. "I have this brother too. I've never met him and my Dad told me about him right before - you know. " He cleared his throat and drank more, it felt good, the heavy eyelids, the relaxing muscles, talking. "I never knew I had a brother. My dad kept it from me for 24 years. How screwed is that? "
"Wow, " Micah blew a breath out, "That's pretty bizarre. "
Logan nodded, "He... my Dad, told me that I should find my brother. But you know, " he paused and rested his head back against the headboard. "What if the guys an asshole or something? You know? What if he doesn't want me to find him, or hell - how do you even look for someone? "
Micah smiled. "Well, first you drink lots. Then when you sober up you look on the computer - you know - ancient magic called 'research' " He looked up and nodded... very pleased with himself.
Logan couldn't help but smile. "You're very liquor focused. "
Laughing and shaking his head, Micah tried unsuccessfully to look hurt. "Nah, it's just good to finally talk to someone. " He put his cigarette out and drank. "You got someone? "
"Someone? "
"A girlfriend or something? "
Logan shook his head. "Broke up with the last one a couple months ago. " He shrugged. "Just as well I guess - considering. How about you? "
"Just ended one. " Micah looked down at his beer bottle. "A relationship, I mean. " He looked uncomfortable.
"Oh yeah, " Logan vaguely remembered their conversation in the car. "But you said you knew it was coming right? "
Micah nodded and swallowed a mouthful of beer. "Yeah - I knew. Just wasn't working, too difficult. I guess. It's shitty but I remember someone saying that just because you love someone doesn't mean you can be with them. " He put his quickly drained beer bottle on the night stand. "Too serious! Let's see - blondes or brunettes? " He laughed and Logan joined him.
Beer bottles piled up, the ashtray was emptied once into the worn looking toilet. They exchanged stories, laughed and shared the rest of Logan's sub.
By three am both men are asleep. Logan is on the bed closest to the door. His shirt has twisted and pulled up to his chest as he's rolled around fighting off his dreams. His hair has fallen down over his eyes and he's sprawled across the bed, head at the bottom, hands curled into fists at this chest. He mutters and rolls over, pressing his face into the quilt. Restless, groaning, twitching.
On the second bed, Micah is curled up asleep on his side facing the door. There's an empty beer bottle held loosely in this right hand, his left is jammed in his hip
story and words and photos Copyright Charlotte Kinzie 2009.
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